‘DIVORCE’ is a yucky 7 letter word that no matter how ‘popular’ it has become, still often is accompanied by negative connotations and much judgment. I’m not sure anyone is ever proud to say “I’m divorced”, they may be an odd few, but for the vast majority, it’s a word we wish we didn’t have to add to our personal vocabulary. So…what is the correct way to deal with and view it? Is there a ‘correct’ way to view it? Can it truly be seen as YES… the end of a marriage, but ALSO the BEGINNING of a new victorious chapter? It can, I personally testify that it can, but not without a dedicated desire to come out on top.
I was recently asked to write an article entitled ‘Recovering from the Storm of Divorce’, I had no difficulty with this request, as this is a topic near and dear to my heart. It is avoided by many and a topic that some avoid or sweep under the rug in most cases. Unfortunately, some by-products of divorce can hang around for years to come if not dealt with effectively. In spite of this fact, many divorcees much rather walk through the process keeping it all to themselves than discuss their issues with anyone, because it is a deeply personal event.
Everybody’s divorce is different; depending on your personality type, your former marriage, your ex, your emotional state, your legal journey; divorces are as individual as snowflakes. BUT, for almost everyone, there are ISSUES…big issues and little issues, annoying issues and very painful issues. For instance, if you have children, your divorce is complicated exponentially, there are custody issues and child support issues, let’s not talk about the new dynamic of ‘single parenting’ issue! Apart from the children, they are property issues, ‘who gets the friends’ issues, ‘adjusting to being single again’ issues, ‘dating again’ issues ‘forgiveness’ issues’…. and on and on. There is hardly a marriage that rips apart without some issue or another, BUT, and there is a BUT, life goes on! And with focused determination to healing, processing, and goal setting, you can fully recover and BEGIN a victorious new chapter!
Over the next few weeks, I will try to tackle some of the messier issues that surround divorce, with hopes that it will bring some healing and transformation to my fellow divorcees (I know, some of us dislike that title, I do). I will deal with some of the ‘sweep under the rug’ issues and speak not just as a DIvorce Recovery Coach, but as someone who is very familiar with the topic. In a perfect world, they would be no divorce, NONE!!! But as long as we’re living imperfect lives in an imperfect world, apart from a miraculous move of God, DIVORCE will, unfortunately, probably continue to be part of our world. So, I am determined to see as many ‘divorcees’ as possible have this be ‘a chapter’ but NOT the ‘defining chapter’ of their lives!
So ladies, join the discussion, I pose the first question to my you:
- Have you been totally honest with yourself about the effect of your divorce on yourself and others?
See you in a week for the next installment of this ‘A Fresh Start’ series. Feel free to comment with your two cents and queries, and your personal tips for moving on victoriously!