FORGIVENESS: LETTING GO & MOVING FORWARD!

Today, we’re talking about forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a topic close to my heart, and I’ve come to see just how essential it is for everyone. For those who’ve walked through divorce, it’s often unavoidable. In the past few years, I wrote a chapter on it in my divorce recovery book, then included it in my Confronting Life’s Enemies book, and later created an entire Udemy course on forgiveness. Recently, I even gave a ministry teaching on it. Forgiveness is essential for spiritual and personal growth, and that’s my life’s calling—so here I am, talking about it again!

So, What is Forgiveness?

What is forgiveness, anyway? It’s an intentional choice to release negative emotions without seeking revenge or punishment for those who wronged us. It’s a deliberate act of our will.

Why Do We Need to Forgive, Even in the Worst Cases?

Why should we forgive every single time—even for the worst offenses like betrayal, abuse, or even murder? It’s natural to think, “Really, Coach D? You have got to be kidding me.” But if you’re a Bible-believing Christian, forgiveness is a commandment. It’s not optional—it’s essential.

The Bible is full of teachings that are easier said than done, and forgiveness is no exception. Yet, I’ve learned that God never asks us to do anything without also giving us the strength through the Holy Spirit. We have to forgive others so we can receive forgiveness for our own mistakes—because let’s face it, we all fall short in thought, word, or action. So, if you’re looking to walk in right relationship with God, that’s all the reason you need.

The Cost of Unforgiveness

So why do so many people carry unforgiveness, even to the point of it affecting their health? I think it’s because we often overlook the spiritual consequences, which are many:

• Not receiving forgiveness for your own transgressions
• Blocked prayers and weakened faith

And then there’s what it does to our minds and bodies: unforgiveness can lead to anxiety, depression, and even physical illness. We may not think about these consequences, but they’re real. There are also certain mindsets and myths that keep people trapped in unforgiveness.

Practical Steps for Forgiveness

I never like to leave you without some practical steps. Remember, forgiveness isn’t a one-time action—it’s a lifestyle. Throughout your life, people will wrong you, offend you, or hurt you. So, let’s start here:

Step 1: Acknowledge the hurt, whether it happened yesterday or decades ago. We all know—or have heard of—people who carried unforgiveness to their grave. Sadly, there’s no do-over once we’re gone. Take a moment to reflect on how these incidents affected your relationships, living situation, career, or even your ability to trust.

Step 2: Decide to forgive. Use the free will God has given you to choose forgiveness. This may not be easy, especially after bringing up old hurts, but this is where the Holy Spirit steps in. In moments where it seems impossible to forgive, His strength will be there for you. He’ll guide and comfort you.

Step 3: Commit to it. Solidify your decision however feels right for you. Journal it, share it with someone you trust, make a verbal decree, or even write a letter to the person and burn it. Taking an action beyond simply “thinking it” can make all the difference.

Step 4: Do a heart check. Have you truly forgiven them? Here are some ways to tell: Can you think of the incident without feeling angry, bitter, or vengeful? Can you talk to or about the person without bringing up what happened? Have you stopped rehearsing it in your mind? Can you pray for them sincerely? If not, you may need to pray more or consider speaking to a counselor.

I encourage you to take some time to think about what I’ve shared. Do some research, and study what the Bible says about forgiveness. I can share some relevant scriptures below if you’re interested. Look into the scientific research on how emotional issues impact the body, too. Consider the harm unforgiveness does to your spirit, mind, and body. And remember, it doesn’t just affect you—its impact ripples to others, including your children and future generations.

Tune in next time, where we’ll explore another aspect of forgiveness: dealing with offense.

Until then, on this journey of forgiveness with you,

Peace & Love,
Coach D