OFFENSE: Take it or Leave it

So we are finishing off our discussion on forgiveness, and today I am asking us to stay clear of Offense. Let us not take offence, let us not cause it!  I know, I know ..here I am again with another easier-said-than-done task. Trust me I know. But remember what we said, that if it is required of us by God, then difficult or not, it’s doable!

So what exactly is offense? Merriam-Webster defines an offence as something that causes a person to be hurt, angry, or upset. This could be something minor like a colleague stealing your idea or something major like public slander. Regardless of the nature or degree of the offence, we have the God-given ability to take it or to leave it! 

Don’t Take Offense!

Let’s break that down. Imagine the offence as a big bag of garbage (inside of are those words, those actions that have the potential to hurt you. We have the ability to say ‘No thanks’ I see your bag of garbage and I am not receiving it. If it was a bag of garbage, you wouldn’t stick around and let them empty it over your head! I can hear your arguments already, but it’s not the same with words, they are already ‘out there’ and have gone into our ears.

BUT, this is where that scripture verse kicks in “Hold the thought captive to the obedience of Christ!” What does that look like practically? The minute you hear what is being said. We examine it. You weigh it against what God has said about the thing. If it’s not in alignment, you dismiss it and move along. We mentally or verbally contradict it. We say to ourselves “ You can’t mean me” as Bajans would say. Now if you don’t know what the Word has said I cannot help you, but Google can. Ecclesiastes 7:9 says: “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”

Here is what I have learnt from my journey with this demon of offence, and yes I have had my good experience with battling it. Many times, 5 times out of 10 we receive what is spoken or done through our colored lens. We all have colored lenses, lenses that have been tinted from our past experiences, from our family upbringing,  from our social and cultural norms, etc. So before it goes into our receptor senses it passes through that lens which affects how we receive it. For example, if you were brought up in a verbally abusive home, and you have not been healed from that trauma, every time your husband disagrees with you, you may take his words as offensive when they were not intended to be. Someone else looking on may have heard the same sentence but realises he was only respectfully sharing his views.

Proverbs 19:11 tells us that  “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” 

This is why we must measure things with the unchangeable words of God and not with anything else that may be coloured/contaminated. Sometimes someone is just speaking the truth in love, and we take a bag of offence, that they weren’t even really offering us anyway, and dump it on our heads!

If we continue to take garbage bags of offence, then they start to cloud and bring destruction to our lives. Can a lifestyle of taking offence do all that? You better believe it! 

• We have the emotional  garbage of bitterness, anger and resentment
• We have the relational garbage of division, strife and isolation
• And we have the tremendous spiritual repercussions of unforgiveness, which we discussed last time.

A word of caution: There are those times that the garbage bag of offence was intentional, or even if it wasn’t, it has happened a time too often. I will never encourage us to become doormats. There are those times when people must be held accountable for their words and actions, and you should speak the truth in love. Just watch your timing, your tone, and your words, as you do not want to be counted among those who CAUSE offence.

So my next request is: Do Not CAUSE OFFENSE!

Since we are now aware of how sneaky and damaging Offence can be, let’s try our darndest not to be those people giving out those garbage bags. What does this require? Careful and calculated communication! The Bible teaches us that we will be held accountable for every idle word we speak. So we don’t want to be standing before the Lord trying to rationalise every offensive word that left our lips.  We have two ears and one mouth, listen twice, think, and speak once as necessary. 

1 Peter 3:9 advises us: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

So here are some PRACTICAL TIPS for dealing with offence:

1. Recognise patterns of offence – either with a particular person or regarding a particular topic. Be extra careful in these situations.
2. Put yourself in the other’s shoes. Yes, we certainly cannot tell what may make a person sensitive. But if this is a familiar person/situation LEARN, and do better the next time and the next time.
3. Be quick to apologise if something comes out wrong. Is it okay to say “Im sorry that came out wrong’. 
4. Do frequent heart checks. From the heart your mouth will speak, so dig deep, what really inside of our souls, how do you really feel about that person/issue? 
5. Get a new prescription lens. If you are receiving communications through tinted lenses caused by some past hurt or trauma, seek help. 
6. Know what God says about you so you can know what you say about yourself! If something contradicts that, then it is easily dismissed!
7. Learn how to LOVE! The kind of love with which Christ loved us, that sacrificial love. Proverbs 17:9 tells us “Whoever would foster love covers over an offence, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”

That’s it for now! I am on this journey with you. How many times can we not take offence or not give it out? seventy times seven!  Yup, if we, yes myself included, can adopt this as a renewed mindset; then with continuous practice, it will become a natural way of life and we will have grown to another level of spiritual and personal growth.

Remember in these volatile days that we are living in there will be many situations that will cause persons to be riled up and on edge, so if there was ever a time to start practising love, forgiveness and staying clear of offence it is now!

We can do this together! Until next time

Peace and Love, Coach D